Actor Rachael Stirling has addressed the recent media scrutiny surrounding her personal grieving process, specifically regarding headlines that characterized her as an “ash-guzzling savage.” Media outlets recently highlighted the fact that Stirling occasionally ingested small amounts of her late mother’s ashes before taking the stage. Stirling, who is the daughter of the iconic actor Diana Rigg, described these reports as a distortion of a private, emotionally charged ritual that helped her cope with the loss of a parent who had a career spanning six decades. An iconic actor with a 60-year career, my mother was Diana Rigg.
Diana Rigg was widely recognized for her enduring screen presence, including her turn as Emma Peel in the 1960s series The Avengers—where she became the first woman to perform kung fu on western television—and her later role as the sharp-tongued Queen of Thorns in Game of Thrones. Following Rigg’s death during the Covid-19 lockdown, the family opted for cremation as she had requested, specifically asking for no ceremony and for her remains to be scattered in her favorite locations. Be-wimpled spouter of the best verbal roasts on television: “I’ve known a great number of clever men, young ’uns will know her as the Queen of Thorns from Game of Thrones. She was also the only woman ever to marry James Bond. And her child-murdering Medea was the toast of Broadway, she appeared in The Great Muppet Caper because I was profoundly in love with Miss Piggy. She was a complete original and very witty to boot.
Stirling recounted the reality of the post-cremation experience, noting the unexpected weight of the remains. She described the process of receiving the ashes from a cremation company in Yorkshire, noting that the company had warned her the experience could be highly emotional. She eventually found herself dealing with scatter tubes, which she described as poorly designed cardboard containers that often lacked individuality. While scattering ashes is a common way to celebrate a life, the process can be unpredictable; Stirling shared an anecdote about an unrelated family mishap where a loved one’s ashes were accidentally deposited into clothing.
The ritual of consuming small portions of her mother’s remains began inadvertently. Before a production at the Lyric in Hammersmith—the same venue her mother had last visited before her death—Stirling kept a small, three-inch scatter tube of her mother’s remains in her dressing room. This room held particular significance, as it was the same space Rigg had used in 1985 while performing in the Ibsen play, Little Eyolf. Overcome by first-night nerves and the weight of performing without her mother in the audience, Stirling discovered some spilt ashes near the tube.
In a moment of intense grief, she licked her finger, picked up the scattered grains, and consumed them. She described the sensation as “grainy” but noted that it felt entirely right in the context of her sorrow. Rather than seeing this as a macabre act, Stirling characterizes it as a personal, spiritual act of faith—a way to maintain a connection to her mother. She recalled a similar experience at a party where a widow admitted to doing the same, signaling that her behavior was not as isolated or pathological as the tabloids suggested.
Stirling views this habit as a way to invite her mother into her work, noting that Rigg would have likely supported the gesture. She recalled Rigg’s acting philosophy, specifically the belief that if an emotion can be found in nature, it can be authentically portrayed on stage. When Stirling played the role of Felicity Crosland in the 2024 production of Giant at the Royal Court, she once again nibbled on a small crumb of her mother’s remains. For Stirling, this remains a way to honor a woman who was known for her honesty and vitality, stating that grief ultimately brings out raw, human responses that cannot always be explained by social conventions. I’ve written a book about our relationship, All About My Mother, in which I do confess to nibbling a grain or two, but I didn’t expect to be portrayed as a matricidal cannibal by the press. And had countless honours bestowed upon her for her many stage performances, she won an Emmy and a Tony.
