Navigating Financial Favouritism: How Families Can Manage Money Disputes Between Siblings

Conflicts over money are a significant source of tension within families, with one US study indicating that approximately 15% of siblings have experienced disputes regarding finances. When parents provide unequal support, gifts, or financial assistance, it often fuels jealousy and resentment that can persist well into adulthood, occasionally escalating into legal battles after a parent’s death.

For many, the issue is not merely the currency involved, but the emotional weight attached to it. Dr. Fenia Christodoulidi of the counselling service Relate explains that financial contributions from parents are often interpreted as symbols of favouritism, unequal affection, or a lack of recognition. Even when parents have practical justifications for providing different levels of support—such as addressing lower earnings, health issues, or the rising costs of the housing market—a failure to communicate these reasons clearly can create misunderstandings.

The experience of John, a 47-year-old who requested his real name be changed, illustrates this dynamic. Having been viewed as the more academic child, he was expected to stand on his “own two feet” financially, while his younger brother, 42, was “coddled.” Recently, John’s parents refused to lend him £10,000 for a house deposit following a relationship breakdown, despite the sum being “well within their financial grasp.” John notes that this history of favouritism has left him feeling isolated and has impacted his personal relationships, leading him to plan his future without the expectation of an inheritance.

Others, such as 26-year-old finance worker Ellis, report that their families have managed varying levels of support at different times without conflict. Conversely, Tasha, 33, notes that while her siblings have clashed over perceived favouritism, these periods of tension are often followed by attempts to “hash it out” once emotions have settled.

Solicitor and mediator Claire Webb, who works with Family Solutions Now, frequently encounters disputes where historical feelings of unfairness resurface during the division of an estate. She emphasizes that parents should be transparent about their intentions while they are alive to prevent future conflict. When disputes do arise, she suggests that mediation can be an effective way to reach an amicable solution by addressing the root causes of the friction. The report also notes that i just think people sometimes get a bit uncertain or jealous and that’s quite normal,” says the 33-year-old. The report also notes that any time I’ve tried to air my feelings my parents just become evasive so now I don’t bother. The report also notes that his parents had previously given his brother a deposit to buy a home and subsidised his living expenses. The report also notes that leaving him feeling “isolated” and affecting friendships and romantic relationships, he says the favouritism has made him believe “the needs of others take precedence over my own”. The report also notes that external are full of posts complaining about siblings being shown preferential treatment regarding money, forums like Mumsnet and Reddit. The report also notes that have an illness, or have to pay more to get on the housing ladder due to rising prices, external, those reasons might include an adult child needing more support because they earn significantly less. The report also notes that he says he has a “great relationship with his brother” but feels resentment towards his parents for creating the “imbalance” between them.

Strategies for resolving money-related family conflicts

1. Recognise the underlying cause: Disputes are often about feeling valued or treated fairly rather than the specific amount of money.
2. Avoid making assumptions about a sibling’s financial situation or the reasons behind parental decisions.
3. Encourage open, respectful conversations where everyone has the opportunity to explain how they feel.
4. Parents should communicate their intentions as clearly as possible, particularly if they are supporting children differently for practical reasons.
5. Consider family counselling if conversations repeatedly become stuck or emotionally charged.
6. Consider mediation before taking legal action in inheritance disputes.
7. Choose powers of attorney carefully: Parents usually appoint their children to oversee their care and finances if they get ill or lose mental capacity. If there is a risk of a falling out, they can appoint someone else, including a solicitor.